Super Awesome Dating

Do yourself a favor and kill your online dating profile once you commit to someone. Why do you need to have a profile on a dating site if your someones boyfriend or girlfriend? This whole “not single, not looking” business is a bit silly to me and I think I understand the motives behind it, but I still think it is silly. Correct me if you disagree, but I believe the motives are: 1) Keep it as a backup plan just in case things don’t workout and 2) Not being able to make that mental transition from being single, to being in a relationship and 3) Being to lazy to create a new profile if you delete your old one.

Social media is certainly a proverbial monkey wrench in the art of dating, finding love, and being happy. Sites like Facebook with some 300,000,000 million users (no joke, that’s a crazy number isn’t it?) allows us to connect in very new ways, but it also keeps us connected when it might be best to just let go and move on. Our relationships are so intertwined because of social media that it is difficult to cut the cord (think facestalk). This mentality sometimes lends itself in a bad way with online dating. Since online dating sites are a type of social media, but not necessarily a social network. Read More…

Lets talk about interpersonal relationships and how they work. Interpersonal simply means your relationship with other people. Could be romantic (which is the theme of this site of course) could be friendship, or could be business among other things.  We all have a variety of interpersonal relationships just by being alive; and the one thing I have come to understand is that the relationships you have with other people is also the same relationship you have with yourself. Wait, what? Let me say that again, the relationship you have with other people is also the relationship you have with yourself. They are one in the same. Seriously. This might not make sense to you so let me explain.

You attract what you project so it should be no surprise then that the way you see yourself is the way the world will come to see you. You CAN NOT be something that is not congruent with who you are or how you see yourself. That means, its all in your head. Say your significantly overweight. You have a negative image of yourself and low self esteem and you generally don’t like yourself. You want to lose the weight, but you just think that it is impossible. Thoughts that race through your head. Perhaps something like this: diets never work, I’m just naturally big, I could never lose the weight, I’m fat and I’m always going to be fat. The relationship you have with yourself is a negative one. You see yourself as a worthless person because of your weight. You feel insecure and unattractive. No one could ever like you right? No surprise that the relationship you have with yourself is reflective of those with other people. How could someone else like you if you do not like yourself? It comes down to mindset, how you see yourself, your relationship with yourself, that has some of the most powerful influence on your relationships with other people. To give another example of mindset, lets talk about exercise. What if I took the mind out of this guy: Read More…

When does needing space turn into breaking up? That’s the theme of this weeks question. Honestly if your dating someone and they tell you they need space, or they need a “break”, it means their breaking up with you. Not sure why this is confusing to some. However, what makes this question a bit more interesting is that what if the person your seeing  just stops calling you? Yea, what if they do not officially break it off with you and just stop calling you. Here is the question:

I have been dating this guy for about  four months. We talked pretty much every day and saw each other regularly. At minimum every Friday or Saturday. We talked recently about how he likes his space. I told him that when he does not call or text me for days I don’t like it. It makes me feel insecure and I wonder what he is doing. Is that crazy? I don’t understand why it is such a big deal for him to call me for 5 minutes. I feel like I pushed him away.

Since we had our little talk on him needing space, he has completely disappeared. I have not heard from him at all. At what point do I move on? If I start dating other guys do I owe him anything? Like if I do date someone else should I tell him? I want to call him really bad, but I think it will come off as chasing him, what should I do?

The first thing you should do is read what I wrote on how to tell I a guy your seeing is your boyfriend. Men are simple and men will behave in a certain way if they have eyes for you. I’m sorry to say but it sounds like this guy is just not that into you. Read More…

Oh boy awesome hotel workout routines! I love working out, don’t you? Of course not. That’s why it has “work” in the word because that’s what it is, work. OK, maybe some of you  out their like to work out regularly and that is great. I have lots of friends that run as part of their daily routine. It is so ingrained in them that they can not start their day until they do it. Like taking a shower for the rest of us I guess. Working out does release stress, makes you sleep better, makes you look better,and give you more energy during the day. When it is said like that, why don’t more of us do it? Is it because were lazy? For some, yes I think its rooted in pure laziness, but I think for the majority of us it is because no one works 9-5, we all work 8-6. Then its time to make dinner, then its 7:30 at night and now I just want to relax. Ill work out tomorrow.

Be it at home or on the road, the key to being successful at anything you do is consistency. Do you go to the gym one time and expect to be ripped? No. Do you take one college course in accounting and expect to be a CPA. No. It takes consistent effort. That means, if your on the road and in hotels you still need to work out. Some hotels have a gym,  but then you come up with excuses. You don’t feel like changing and going down to the gym, or you forgot your gym shorts and have nothing to wear; and you just can’t wear jeans in a gym right? You don’t want to be that weird guy or gal I’m sure. Other times the place will not have a gym at all. What you need to do is take 20 minutes and work out in your hotel room. Beyond emotional fitness and financial fitness with dating; if you want to attract someone who is attractive you need to be in good shape just like they are in good shape. Fair is fair. Here is how you work out in a hotel room (this is what I do): Read More…

When I woke up this morning with my desire to share my thoughts on this site I started writing on my sexy little net-book about how to “let go” after a breakup. Obviously this is now titled let it be after a breakup. Here is why. “Let it go” implies taking a passive approach, and if your anything like me, I am never passive in love or in life. If I simply told you how to just let them go I think I would be leading you astray, since I would be telling you to perform active forgetting towards a very strong emotion. Trying to actively forget a strong emotion is impossible, you can not do it. Over time emotional intensity falls, but seriously, you can not just magically forget how you feel towards something over night, their is no ebook or 10 easy steps you can read, buy, or take. It simply takes time, so since you will not be forgetting any time soon, why pretend otherwise? Hence, lets talk about how to let it be after a breakup and NOT how to let it go since any strong emotion be it anger or love sticks in your mind for some time and you just can not forget it. Like thinking about a purple cow with  black spots. See, now I got you thinking about what a a purple cow with black spots. Sorry about that. Moving on.

Let it Be

Let it be, let it be, oh let it be. Sounds like a country song doesn’t it? Let it be will inevitably mean slightly different things to you than it does to me. Here is what it means for me. Confront your feelings, understand your feelings, and LEARN from your feelings. Let it go for me means to hide from your feelings so that you can eventually forget them. Once you forget them you have successfully let them go and you can now move on with your life. This is not usually how it works out though. Do not be delusional in a pointless goal to protect yourself from the truth. The truth hurts sometimes, but that is the only way you will improve, learn and grow. Breaking up with someone is like getting fired from a job. It is not fun, it is awkward, but it typically is for the best. Letting a broken up relationship “be” means your not trying to fix the relationship, your not trying to make it work with your ex, your not thinking about ways to win back your ex. Your trying to fix yourself, your trying to make yourself into your higher self. You do this through taking a personal inventory, something I regularly do. Ask yourself: Read More…