Steve Pavlina has written extensively about is polyamorous marriage with his wife Erin. Steve writes a personal development for smart people blog and gets millions of uniques a month, so I would be surprised if you never stumbled upon one of his articles (there quite good by the way). So what the heck is polyamory?

It is the practice of having many intimate, both physical and emotional, relationships. With the consent of everyone involved. Like friends with benefits, or like dating multiple people at the same time before you commit to just one. Except no one gets hurt. Or do they? Well get into this.

Honestly, I have no idea how a polyamorous marriage could work. It goes against the whole idea of what a marriage is. First off, girls are different than guys. Particularly when it comes to sex. Girls need a reason, guys need a place. Being in a committed relationship with someone and sharing them physically or emotionally with someone else is playing with fire and inherently hurtful.

Swing Swing to the Other Side

First off, lets look at swinging. Swingers are couples who swap partners for sex, and just sex. This is a good deal for guys as sex with someone new and someone you don’t really know for just shallow physical sex if fun. However for girls, sex is always a bit more emotional. Even if its in a swinging environment where it is supposed to be just fun shallow sex. One person is inherently bound to get hurt. The guy could become jealous, the girl could develop feelings for her other partners, the other guys could be better in bed, whatever. A rift in the relationship could occur. Read More…

I’m going to knock out two questions I got. The purpose of these questions is to entertain and inform, so don’t mind if I have a little fun with them and don’t be shy to submit your own questions. Either email me through the contact page, or submit a question in the comments. Don’t forget there is an entire category dedicated to dating questions. First up to bat, Chris:

So the other night I was at a hockey game working concession. And this girl came up and I accidentally messed up on her order. I got her the wrong thing as someone else had done it already, and I was told to have the drink myself, might I add that I never really wanted it to begin with. After I said that I didn’t want it I looked at her and smiled as she started to giggle… To me it kinda seems like a sign of interest but I could be wrong?

Could you be wrong? No, you are wrong. First off, girls don’t flirt with guys when there working in a “food environment”. If  your working at McDonalds or Burger King, chances are she is not attracted to you. Remember, girls are attracted to status. Now their is nothing wrong with working at these place, just keep in mind that when your literally on  duty in these place girls will find you less attractive. Second, she is just laughing at the silliness’s of the situation, don’t read too much into that, and lastly why are you asking now? Its over and done with. What are you going to go find her?Do you have a time machine to go back and relieve that moment? Take this advice, if you ever find yourself in that situation again, go for it. But maybe I’m wrong, best way is to always find out for yourself. Make small talk and see if she is interested. If your rejected, that’s ok. It helps to build up a thick skin and your confidence to the point where if a girl is or is not interested in you, you wont sweat it. Becuase it wont bother you, you will come off as more confident, you will feel more confident, and thoughts become reality…you ARE more confident.

Next up Matt:

Well today sitting at this bench I briefly met this girl and she was doing some math stuff so I didnt want to bother her to much. We basicely had a couple of brief talks during the time we were sitting there, like maybe 5 mins each. Though after the last time we talked I noticed she kept playing with her hair and stuff.Then as she started packing up and leaving and as usual to be nice she says bye, but then stops for a split second and tells me her name and of course I tell her mine. I didnt anything else, but I did notice she just stood there a couple of seconds before she did walk away.

After this I realized I was stupid and should have said something and maybe asked for her number or something! But I wanted to know if this is just a gesture to be nice or if this really is a indicator that she likes you. I don’t want to make this type of mistake again, I mean I really thought she was cute and stuff. All I can do is hit my head every time I think about what happened.

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Your a liar. I’m a liar. Were all liars. Everyone tells white lies about themselves so how do you spot the agregious online dating liar? Since its true that were all a bit deceptive to some degree. First off, why doesn’t everyone come completely clean about themselves? Well my experience is that you need to lie enough to get to coffee but also not to lie too much to not get to bed. You have to sell yourself a bit, boast and embelish since most go off soley the profile picture you have up. Sure, sites like Eharmony and Chemistry.com, with there surveys and questions and more surveys and more questions..(man does that take forever!)… does a good job at matching, that people do find love and do end up happy,  it is no questin that it always comes back to the picture.

It boils down to what you look like, or more specifically what you look like in your pic. Sure what you write is important, long or short messages, when to ask out, when to exchange numbers, but I can tell you, If a guy thinks you look hot in that pic,  he will have no problem meeting you, regardless of what you say. Seriously! For guys though, girls really do care about what you write. With girls I would say the profile picture is 90% of the battle and as long as you don’t say anything stupid your in. Kind of like in real life if you think about it, but you do need to focus on that last 10%, your approach and how you sell yourself do matter.

Guys are Creepy

So I meet this very cute Brazilian Au-pair (type of foreign exchange student program) of a dating site and we went out for a nice evening in Darien CT. Since I write Super Awesome Dating I am always curious to get a female perspective on dating and online  dating, this whole crazy process. First off, she told me that they don’t do online dating in Brazil. There is enough culture and social events that meeting people is easy, in contrast to the US. Once your out of High School and College, the most obvious question if your single is how the heck do I meet quality people? This is why online dating is so popular here.

She told me about her first experience meeting a guy off a dating site. The guy she meet she thought he was really cute, blond hair, blue eyes, said he was 6 ft and 180 lbs. So she meet him at a cafe one night. The “date” if you can call it that lasted a whole 5 minutes. Why? Because guys are creepy that’s why! The guy showed up and he was not a 6ft blond blue eyed white guy, he was a 5 ft 7 in Indian dude. I was a bit shocked by this. Why would any guy think that’s a good idea? Remember what I said:

lie enough to get to coffee, but not too much to not get to bed Read More…

You broke up. SO you want to know how to get your ex back? Well grab something to drink and do a little reading because I am about to tell you. First off, its more complicated and we need to break down the different types of breakups. Who did the break up and what were the circumstances around the destruction of your relationship. It should be clear, dating a guy is different from dating a girl, and dating a girl is different from dating a guy. First off lets go over some basic things for both sexes.

Keep contact directly after the break up to a minimum

Breaking up sucks, it is emotional and both of you are not in a clear state of mind. When someone is your ex, let them be your ex for a while so you can collect your thoughts and think more rationally about what happened. Take one of my friends, lets call him James (its not James btw). James is a decent guy, dated this girl for over a year, was never really sure about his feelings for his girl. His girl though, was in love with James. The two were going about there relationship nicely, until his girlfriend bought a condo and asked James to move in. James hesitated. Thoughts ran through his head :

Living Together: Engagement: Marriage: Rest of his life: A Very Unhappy James

So James, instead of being a man and breaking it off with his girlfriend,  made up excuses as to why he wouldn’t move in. Frustrated with James, not simply over this issue, but also a culmination of reasons. Which can  basically be summed up as James inability to be the man she wants, because he never really wanted to be her man in the first place. Went out with two guys she just meet at the condo complex she just moved into. Two guys Jame never meet. Can you guess what happened? Yep she cheated on James. Relationship over.

Now, James never even wanted to date her really, but now he is all messed up in the head, wanting to know how to win back his ex. The moral of the story is that you need time apart from one another. Sure they may start dating someone else, but usually rebound relationships are full of problems. Spending time apart is the best way to ensure you get your ex back. Take a few months, don’t call, don’t text, don’t ANYTHING. This is what I told my friend James. Time apart allowed him to clear his head, and realize that he never wanted to be with her in the first place. He was just being emotional. Thats why he wanted advice on how to get your ex back. Next Up: Read More…

Dating is an art and a skill and not every man out their is particularly brilliant at it. I will be blunt, some guys just suck at dating, and their are types you might want to avoid if your a nice gal looking for someone who is worth your time. Of course losers, creeps, and weirdos are not on any one’s list of perspective matches, but why then do girls date loser, creeps, and weirdos? Because they think the man is something he is not. When you like someone you ignore the personal character flaws and just pay attention to the things you like. From surveying girls about common complaints when it comes to dating their are some recurring themes we should get into.

The first complaint from girls is chivalry is dead. This is then normally followed up with the question on how to make men more gentlemen like. Something as simple as opening the car door can go a long way with a girl. Most of the time, it just never occurs to a man to do that. So OPEN the car door for your girl. It will make the right positive impression with her. Next, chivalry is not dead, you just have to start expecting him to open the door. Men can be trained to do what you want. If a man’s heart is in the right place for you, he will do what he needs to, to make you happy.

It is always the little things. The little things make or break dating, since it is the little things that show if your paying attention and if you really care. Another other common complaint that keeps popping it’s head up over and over again is three fold:  guys are either way to aggressive, move to fast physically, and act like babies if rejected. Guy’s are to aggressive, reject him if he approaches you the wrong way. Guys do move to fast sexually with women,  however it takes two to tango and until the clothes come off you have all the power. Lastly ignore men if they act like a baby if you reject them, they were never worth your time to begin with.

Some Online Dating Advice for you Inexperience Men

When messaging  a girl on a dating site , never ask her to meet you in the first two emails. It is weird and creepy. Do you want to be weird and creepy? Then do not do it. Next, never bring up intimate stuff early on in the conversation with a girl you just meet or are messaging. That includes “wow I like your pic, you have nice legs”… big turn off, and if you send a message and she never replies, GET OVER IT and move on. I know rejection is painful and unfair, but you must learn to deal with rejection like a man. You will be rejected over and over so suck it up and let it slide, it really is not that big of a deal. Do not send hate mail if a girl chooses to not talk to you. Act like a man, not like a baby. Lastly, deal with it, yes maybe you are not cute enough for her, maybe you did not capture her with your message, maybe shes burned out from online dating. Maybe she gets tons of emails and yours was boring and generic. She has no obligation to talk to you, you two are strangers in all reality.

Also, you have to understand that girls on dating sites get a ton of messages due to the nature of online dating. Imagine getting 15 emails a day, most of them are simply “hey”, “your cute”, or “lets go out this Friday”. With online dating, girls get much more attention and have to weed through and disqualify men they feel do not meet the qualities they are looking for. Girls are not nearly as obnoxious as I have heard men are, since I am a man who has used online dating sites in the past; but I was curious about the female view point. So I decided to go undercover. Here is what I did:

I signed up at Singlesnet and made a female profile with a very attractive pic of one of my female friends, with her permission of course. The results? I let the profile sit for 5 days. When I checked in, I had an incredible, 100 + emails. Unless your a male model, or Ashton Kutcher. No guy on any dating site gets 100 emails. From this perspective, It is completely reasonable why a girl would not reply to your individual email. Now I am not recommending you go out their and start making fake profiles. I just did it for research and it taught me a valuable lesson of what it is like to be a woman on a dating site. I sincerely hope I convinced you to  think twice about sending that hate male to the girl who wouldn’t talk to you.

Guys that suck – bad dates you want to avoid.These are some behavioral signs you should be on the watch for: Read More…