Super Awesome Dating

Weekend question segment, this one is all about online dating. Guys are a bit aggressive online are they not girls? Anyways, this question comes from a man who is dating online and is exchanging his contact info with girls he meets. First they exchange a few emails, give each other their respective phone numbers, talk and text a bit, then set up a time to meet one another.  He has has a bit of a rough run by being cancelled on 4 times, the last minute before the date. Here is the question:

I have had four, that’s right FOUR last minute cancellations in a row from four different girls. Here is the breakdown:

• The first said her grandfather was sick and went to the hospital.
• The next girl said she was not feeling well.
• The third said she had second thoughts about dating, but wanted to hold onto my number. She texted 3 time to confirm our date the day before she cancelled.
• The last girl cancelled twice on me, the last time I could tell she was lying.

So my question for you. 1) Whats the best way to respond to this? & 2)Whats the best way in general to handle this?

The best way to respond to a girl cancelling on you last minute is to first reflect on how it makes you feel. Are you annoyed over it? Do you think she is being inconsiderate? Do you think she is just making something up to not meet you?It doesn’t make you feel good does it? Well the best way to respond is to let her know how it makes you feel. Don’t keep it bottled up inside. Don’t just move on. Tell her how you feel, that way you will maintain control, and you keep your power and self respect, you don’t let your self be driven crazy by rouge thoughts,  and you let her know that she is not allowed to treat you like that, because you won’t stand for it. Now when I say let her know how you feel, I don’t mean get all angry and act like a belligerent jerk calling her names and what now. I mean, be stern about it. Text her saying that YOUR no longer interested, you don’t like the way she is treating you, and you don’t appreciate someone who wastes your time. Even if you are interested, say your not.  This is when Mr. Nice comes out in a lot of men. Don’t be afraid to ruffle a few feathers. Your not going to attract her by being overly nice and accommodating. Don’t be afraid of losing her by telling her how you really feel. She is already not particularly interested in you for whatever reason. You have nothing to lose. In fact, by telling her that you have had enough of her flakiness, your demonstrating confidence. It actually might make these four girls who canceled on you last minute more interested. Girls emotional response to men’s actions are sometimes counter intuitive. Remember that.

When dating online and your dealing with someone you never actually meet in person yet, you only talked on the phone and exchanged emails with, it is still very rude to cancel last minute. It just is. If a girl or ANYONE for that matter who cancels last minute, it better be a pretty damn good excuse. Keep in mind though, their are time when their is a legitimate reason.

For example the girl who canceled on you by saying her grandfather is in the hospital. The way you respond to that is to be understanding.  Even if you think she is making it up. Wish her and her grandfather well. Follow up with her in a few days (3-5) or so, by calling once or texting once. And by once I mean ONCE. Not twice. Once. If you get no response, that is she just ignores you, or won’t make plans with you again, THENtell her you don’t appreciate the way she is treating you. Be stern, but never mean. Then move on and never call her again, but only tell her how you feel if it bothers you. If your not that bothered by it and decided to move on anyways, then do that. Follow your feelings. They are your emotional compass. If someone dosen’t treat you right let them know, otherwise, if your just tired and bored by her behavior, just move on.

As sensitive and shy as you may think you are, I can guarantee you that any girl you meet will be INFENTLYmore sensitive that you will ever be. Girls will not come out and say they don’t want to see you, they will make something up to avoid conflict and hope you catch on that their not interested. This business of canceling on you last minute falls into three categories:

1. Shes not into you, yes she made plans with you, but has second thoughts now and is just making something up to not meet you.
2. She is spending time with another guy and is having fun, or her she is doing something else with her friends, or made plans with another guy.
3. Something legitimately came up. This is rare though. How often do things come up in your life to prevent YOU from meeting a girl a Starbucks for and hour? I thought so.

Finally, its you, not them. If four different girls cancelled on you four times in a row. Your doing something wrong. If someone cancels on you last minute, its rude, let them know how you feel, and never call again. But honestly, 4 times? What is your approach online? Their cancelling because of something your doing or saying. Find common threads with each person, what was your behavior and their response? Most men tend to be too aggressive online. Are you being a bit pushy? Rushing things too much? Do your phone conversations go well? That is, are they fun and easy going? Or are they forced and filled with akward silence? Do you make big plans when meeting someone for the first time? Like dinner, then a movie, then a party at a friends house? Or do you make it more casual? Go with casual like a nice dinner with no expectation of doing anything after? Only you know the answers to this. But for whatever reason, your actions are off putting to the girls your meeting. Reflect on yourself because with four girls cancelling on you four times in a row, its time for self reflection.

• blue eyed girl image © krisztina Tordai
• pool fail © doc rogers