Super Awesome Dating

So, a while back we touched on a question from a girl who’s boyfriend told her he feels like he has not had sex with enough girls yet. She was concerned if he would cheat or not. To give the quick and dirty,  if a man is in love he won’t stray. Since he said he is not sexually satisfied, he is not in love, and will cheat if the opportunity presents itself. Why? Because he just told you he wants to be with more women! It has nothing to do with you. It’s all him. So what if a girl feels she has not been with enough men? Wait aren’t girls supposed to be perfect angels all the time? Girls don’t like sex right? The truth is, is that girls want it just as much as men, but for different reasons sometimes. One of the main difference is that girls don’t think about it regularly like men do, and also don’t possess the same sex drive that men do.  So it is interesting for me to get a question from a girl who feels like she has not been with enough men yet. Here is what she asks:

So, Ive been dating this guy for about 9 months. Everything is really great. I think were in love. Were getting ready to move in together. He tells me over and over how much he loves me and wants to be with me and would do anything for me, and I feel the same way. BUT we were talking about sex. He asked me how many guys I have been with before him. So I told him. Then obviously I turned it around and asked him how many girls he has been with, and I was shocked and a bit jealous. Shocked about how many girls he  has been with, but also jealous at the sexual freedom he has experience. A freedom I realize that I have not had. We have a very open and honest relationship so I told him how I feel. That I love him and want to be with him, but I also want to experiment a bit more before settling down. I’m confused by my feelings. I absolutely will NOTcheat on him. I won’t even consider that. But I just don’t know what to do. I feel so confused about what I want. I want him and I want the sex experience. The idea of taking a break or having an open relationship does not appeal to me as I don’t want to risk losing him or know he is having sex with other girls. Im 25, he’s 30. What do I do?

What do you do? Great question. First off, their is nothing wrong with wanting to hook up with more guys before you settle down. Having the typical college experience. The problem is, is that your not single anymore or in college anymore and are actually in a committed serious relationship. You probably already know this, but your being incredibly unfair to your man. Your basically telling him that YOU want to be able to go out and fool around with who ever you want whenever you want, BUT he has to sit on his butt and wait around for you and hope YOUdon’t find someone else. Since you said your afraid of losing him, you understand the risks.

I think it is wonderful to hear that you have such an open and honest dialogue with one another. That you can tell him anything. That is the sign of a great relationship, and he is a much more understanding man than me because honestly, if after giving you half a year of my life, you then tell me you love me but you feel like you want to sleep around? You would be long gone. Long gone not out of anger or spite. But simply because I would  be questioning your feelings. Are you really in love? Are you really ready to settle down? My thoughts would be that you are not.

So you might want to hook up with more guys, but how do you do that and not lose the man you love? Here are some solutions:

FIRST OPTION: TIME MACHINE

That’s right, build yourself a jet setting, time traveling delorean and go back to the year 2002 and relive your early twenties all over again. Oh wait, time travel doesn’t exist, ok on to the next option 2:

OPTION 2: CHEAT

The only way your ever going to be able to have the sexual experience you want without losing him (potentially) is to go back in time, which you cant (sorry :( ) OR cheat. Now I don’t recommend cheating, but if you want advice on what to do this is one avenue for you. If you cheat he can never know. I know you have an open and honest dialogue, but this sort of thing must be kept on the down low. Don’t even let your friends know, keep it discrete. However, what kind of person are you that cheats? It’s a bit selfish, don’t you think?

The Third Option: Break UP

Just call it off and do what you want. Yes I know your afraid of losing him, that breaking up with him will feel like a mistake, that maybe he won’t take you back. That’s the risk you take. What’s more important to you? What is the greater need? Can you be faithfull even with your conflicting feelings? You say you can, but Im not so sure. What if you go out with your girlfriends and drink and your inhibitions are down? That’s when the truth comes out many times for girls. It might just be best to take a break so you can go hook up with more guys. But what if he doesn’t take you back, or what if you cant find a guy like him again, or what if you breakup and your single until your 30? That’s the risk you take. Follow your feelings. How would it feel to lose him? You should be careful about bringing up this subject with your man. That you want to hook up with more guys, because he might end up breaking up with you. Often times girls think that have all the power. You only have power over your man if he gives it to you.

Option 4: Open Relationship

Have an open relationship. You can be adventurous and hook up with other guys, and he can go after other women. The problem with this option is that you BOTH must want and agree to this.  Open relationships can work if your both in love with one another and are cool with it, but as you said in your question. You don’t like this option because you don’t want to share him which is completely understandable.

Option 5: Keep doing What your Doing

Just keep your relationship going the way it is. Embrace your man and your life for what it is, and stop dwelling on things that could have been. Stop looking back and wishing you did X Y and Z (pun intended) and look ahead to the future. Also stop bringing up that you have feeling that are conjuring up desires to hook up with other guys with your man. It will only create insecurity in him and may lead him to break up with you. Is this option the best for you? Well if you can chose this option free from regret then yes, if not, then perhaps you should just breakup, cheat, or have an open relationship so you can fulfill your desire to hook up with more guys before you settle down with Mr Right. Or build a time machine. Your choice.