Super Awesome Dating

If you suck at dating and sometime struggle with life, remember, focus on what you can control. Your looks, what you say, how you come off to people, how you dress. You have more control over your life than you probably believe, and once you take responsibility for your life and take responsibility for the good and bad things that happen, you will come to realize that instead of being defeated by setbacks, you learn that you  actually get the best results controlling the things you really can, and the worst results trying to control those things you pointlessly cannot. So the two main things you control are 1) your actions and 2) your attention to things, and not much else.

Think about it, you do control your actions, no matter what your feeling may be telling you. Sky dive out of a plane? You may take action and jump out that plane, but somewhere in your head your saying WTF am I doing? Want that guy to notice you, and approach you, ask you out, but instead of making things happen your too  shy to approach him. Whether you do or don’t is entirely up to you, and so are the results. Next up, your attention. You control how you direct your attention. Focus on things that make you happy or focus on things that bring sadness. Its up to you. You can give lots of attention  with much openness and interest, or you can ignore it all together. Much like that guy who doesn’t have a clue and won’t stop texting you.. but thats another story.

Things you do NOT control, so don’t wast your energy

1) The world around you. It is true, you can transform and change the world around you, but that does not mean it is in your control. You change and transform the world around you through your actions which coincidentally are in your control.

2) The people around you. You influence people, but you do not control them like a machine. You can only influence them, which is done once again through your actions. No one is forced yo obey you. Even if you threatened them with a gun. They could chose to die rather than listen to you.

3) Your feelings. I don’t care what anyone else says, you can not control your feeling, thoughts or memories. They are influenced by the emotion associated with them. Good and bad. I know the law of attraction says you become what you think of most, but what you think of most is influenced by your emotions. The stronger the emotion, the more you will think about that thought. Hopefully it will be good thoughts, making a upward happiness spiral, instead of negative thoughts creating a downward misery spiral.

Upward happiness spiral

No one wants to crash and burn like a lot of the inmates on MSNBC’s lockup. What a nightmare some of those poor souls live!  So to prevent that and hopefully create thoughts and feelings that create happiness make it your life’s work to put your energy into action and attention. Do things that make you feel good in the here and now. Not things that in the future if you achieved them they would make you happy (if only I got that promotion, if only she went out with me, if only >insert adjective< I would be happy). This train of though makes you miss out on life as you are never happy, only chasing happiness. Remember to focus on what you control:  action and attention. The attention part comes in after you’ve taken action, pay attention to the results of your actions and how you feel. Your emotions are a compas, follow emotions that feel congruent with what you want, take the appropriate action. The result is that every time you act congruent with what you want and pay attention to the results and feeling of your actions, no matter how small that action is, your life will be a bit more meaningful and rich, eventually attracting the right people into your life, and finding love and happiness.

Doing something for happiness instead of doing something because of happiness reminds me of a poem I got once in the email, its called “Slow Dance”. Check it out.

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round

Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down

Don’t dance so fast

Time is short

The music won’t last

Do you run through each day on the fly

When you ask “How are you?” do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores running through your head?

You’d better slow down

Don’t dance so fast

Time is short

The music won’t last

Ever told your child,

We’ll do it tomorrow

And in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,

Let a good friendship die

‘Cause you never had time to call and say “Hi”?

You’d better slow down

Don’t dance so fast

Time is short

The music won’t last

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift….

Thrown away…

Life is not a race.

Do take it slower

Hear the music

Before the song is over.

Your thoughts?

photo credit: lululemon athletica